Yet it’s that time of the year again. For you that are single don’t worry, I have the best tips for you 😅. Dudes grab your favourite drink and make sure you’re Netflix subscription is paid. Ladies, you’re favorite wine and shawl covering as you watch a YouTube vlog. And that’s how valentine’s is celebrated 😅
But on a serious note, love shouldn’t just be an emotion that you have to express on a specific day. And it’s not something that you have to always look at on the dimensions of intimacy. Not all people in the world have a guy or a lady. What do you do when you’re single? Does it mean love doesn’t exist for you?
I don’t think so. Love should be a universal emotion. Just like sex. We only look at sex on the lens of two people cuddling and enjoying themselves in bed. But is it so? No. What about knowing your body? What pleases you? Why it is important to know the dangers that accompany unsafe sex? Do we think of that? Do we think of post sexual consequences? Raising children? Unwanted pregnancies? The pregnancy journey?
I guess not. Were too quick to have a one dimensional outlook to thing’s forgetting there’s much more to life. Like in the case of love. You might love your boyfriend or wife but don’t love your brother or sister. Or you might be hating your superintendent. The bartender at your local. Each time you visit the venue you look at them with devilish eyes.
And surprisingly what we exhibit is what we get. You might ask yourself yes you love your partner but there’s always anarchy at your house. What causes it? It’s the same same attitude you show others. In the African culture if you disrespect your parents and hate them, they curse you and you carry that curse all through your life. It’s karma. Just like food, what you feed your body is what you get. As I leave my dear reader, be that person who expresses love to all, everyday of your life 365 days a year ❤️
When the year ends, most of us are usually making merry, enjoying with friends and family. Though for me, I prefer to use the time to reflect and plan ahead for the incoming year. A new chapter, 365 vibrant days. And as I do so this year, I’ve decided to be different. Because times have also changed thus promoting my move. 21 lessons for 2021. Things I’ve learnt that I think will be beneficial to you my reader.
1. EACH OPPORTUNITY IS A LEARNING OPPORTUNITY: Whatever opportunities life offers you, grab them and learn from them. Because when you learn, you grow.
2. YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE: Not everyone will like you. And that’s okay. Plus you can’t fit in everyone’s shoes. That’s why you’re feet are your’s and the type of shoe you like is what you like. You find it at a specific shop. Nike and Adidas are both sport’s shoes but they appeal to different customers.
3. BE REAL: Be true to who you are and live it to the fullest. Embrace the acne on your face, your dark skin. Because through that, people will love you for who you are.
4. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO ALWAYS WORK OUT: Accept that things won’t always go your way. And not all the time you’ll hear a yes. A no or a fail will teach you valuable lessons.
5. FAIL FORWARD: Because that’s the only way you grow. You’ll learn what not to do again.
6. ON TO THE NEXT ONE: Too many people to love you, too many to hug you. Too many to kiss you. Don’t stress over the one who said no. Or that friend that “cut you off”. You’ll make more friends, meet a new lover and you’ll be surprised.
7. HOW MANY BOOKS ? Do you read? Do you want to expand your knowledge capacity? Do you want to learn from others? Your idol? Your role model?
8. MOOD FOR MUSIC: Don’t just listen to music for the sake of listening. Or listening to the “latest song”. Look for music that touches your soul, the songs that speak to your heart, the songs that get you through the trying times. On my Spotify you’ll find that reggae and soul music are my most listened to genres of 2021.
9. PODCASTS? VLOGS? Subscribe to one, two or three. Not only will you enjoy, but you’ll definitely learn a lot. Thank you Mr Obama and Oprah.
10. ENJOY SMALL WINS: Celebrate those teensy – weensy moments. Don’t wait for that “big break” it might not come.
11. NO WAYS TO BECOME RICHER: Success lies in your hands. Your life is different from Steve Jobs or Richard Branson. Not dismissing the advice they give but heck, your life is your life. We all face different circumstances thus “10 ways” won’t work for everyone. Just like my 21 lessons are my personal reflections. They might be for you, they might not.
12. “YOLO” THE WORST MANTRA: If you only live once, why do you have different life experiences. Once you were a child, pre – teen, teen, youth, adult and ultimately a grandma or grandpa. That’s the lifecycle. But don’t waste it at one point. Or think there’s more time. You start drinking at 21 by the time your 60, you’ll be a full blown alcoholic suffering from various diseases.
13. INNER PEACE: “Protect your life. It’s your one and only” From Beres harmond and Popcaan’s song. Inner peace is valuable because when you’re at ease, you’ll definitely be at your best. Shun away from negativity, bad vibes and low vibrational people.
14. WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT: Don’t wait for lifestyle disease’s to hit you up. Do it now & you’ll enjoy it. Prevention is better than cure.
15. MY FRIENDS ARE MY INFLUENCE: If 4 of your friends are into gang and gang related stuff, definitely you’ll be the fifth. No miracle about that. Honestly some of the best people that have changed me this year have been my friends.
16. SOCIAL MEDIA CLOUT: Don’t chase it. A leopard doesn’t stay the same place with a cat. You’ll please five to ten people for likes wherase your mental and personal health is at risk.
17. RAISE YOUR STANDARDS: When you are you, you are true to who you really are. Don’t degrade so as to fit with other’s. Be authentically you. If you don’t drink, that’s fine. You don’t have to to please people.
18. MEDITATION: Doesn’t have to be the Buddhist one. Take sometime off from the usual you and close your eyes. Be in a trance and release yourself to the inner world. Amazing it’ll be.
19. EXPIRY DATE: Food has it, so does life. Just that at times it’s a bit hidden or we ignore it. We continue till life gets us sick. Like TD. Jakes, “Let it go”. I suggest you get his book (Let it go ; forgive so that you can be forgiven)
20. NEW GOALS BUT SAME YOU ? Naah. That doesn’t work. The year will still be the same unless you introspect. Nobody’s gonna do the work for you.
21. GOD, GOD, GOD: Your best friend, your counsel, your guider. It’s not about religion but the relationship with him. Read the Quran, the Bhagavad Gita, the Bible and get to know him. He will amaze you. “Say a prayer and chant Psalms, prayer a day keep the evil calm You don’t have to go to church or be a Christian to call on Jah name Shout out tha name Jehovah in the valleys Shout out tha name Jehovah on the hills Shout out tha name Jehovah on the plains or even if it rains Call on the name, call on Jah name the same, call on the name, yeah” (Sanchez)
Gear forward, tuck your seatbelt in and get ready for the 2022 journey. Adios my reader ♥️♥️
Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the Lord. (Jeremiah 1:8 KJV) A verse relatable to the message I am sharing today. May are the times we are faced with anxiety and the first thing that comes to our minds is ; “we will not make it”. But is it true? I highly doubt.
Have you ever seen how a child feels hugging their mother after school? The joy that comes with that? They forget the monsters that they were facing in school. That bad teacher, that bully, that girl / boy who said no. They feel that there is someone who cares. But when we grow up, we tend to deviate to the notion that we can do it all on our own.
And when the going gets tough, we’re left to bear the burden. Which is a notion that I’d like to demestify. We should allow ourselves to be vulnerable, weak, weary and have a support system that gets us through. It won’t hurt saying I’m weak. It won’t hurt asking for help.
Especially for us gents. We tend to view asking for help as a weak thing and those who do so we brand them the name “simp”. “A man shouldn’t cry, a man shouldn’t show weakness, a man should be strong” Yet deep down the man is torn. Hurting. With heavy burdens to bear.
As I finish, I’d like to quote H_art the band on their new song wait for you : “when you feel your world caving in it’s ok to be afraid when you’re overwhelmed by mistakes it’s ok not to be ok coz when you’re feeling down i’ll be there and i’ll hold you down, i’ll hold you and when you feel like running away i’ll wait for you, i’ll wait for you i’ll wait for you, i’ll wait for you i’ll wait for you, i’ll wait for you i’ll wait for you, i’ll wait for you” which I think sums up my piece 🌺
The past month leading to this was quite a heavy one on me. From ailing friends and family to overwhelming school projects. I questioned why all this was happening. Why to family? why to my friends? why all this work? but then again I remembered that I have been to far much worse circumstances and overcame them. The experience lead me to write this months article worry not. At times, we are confronted with strenuous circumstances which deprive us of our moxie and we end up low blown, depressed and with nowhere to turn to.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has gone through such. Life is not a straight line where everyday the sun shines and we giggle on amusement. There times where we feel gloomy, just like clouds preparing for a pour. You receive those disappointing news, a family member is demised, you have contracted Covid, you have been laid off. Usually when they come, 90% of the time people are not yet prepared. That’s why after burials people still wish that those gone to be around. Even getting rid of their personal items becomes tedious.
What then do you do? I’m not a counselor nor a spiritual leader but I feel my experiences and what I did can be of great value to all who come across this article. Be male or female, suffering knows no gender. Though there might exist disparities, I firmly believe not so much. Death of a family member will affect both a father and a mother the same way just the expression of the pain might be different. When you are faced with a difficult or overwhelming situation, I believe the first thing is to take a deep brerath.
Be in the moment. Then allow yourself to digest the news. Follow by telling yourself that you will overcome it. A positive attitude has been linked to speeding up recovery in patients. Then look for ways to maneuver through the tussle. As you look for ways to maneuver, remember that you are not the only one going through the problem. And as you do so, look for a book or a video, or a podcast that will always keep your spirits up.
And most importantly, don’t forget the wise words of the bible that God will never put you through something that he cant get you out of.
A few weeks ago Kenya hosted the WRC championships and it became the talk of the town. “Vasha” was the in thing. People were flocking there. Surprisingly most of those who attended didn’t have a clue about the rally or what it was all about. Most if not all attendees were there because of the hype and to show others ”they were there”
And that’s the basis of my article today. Fear of missing out. Have you ever found yourself doing something not because you wanted to but because of the pressure of friends or social media? well I’m sure I’m not the only one. At this digital age, were at a point where people don’t do things because they enjoy but because they want to please others. We go to a restaurant not to enjoy the meal but to post the picture on Instagram.
What a place we are in. Genuine, unpretentious and happy moments have all died down and we are reduced to boasting, posting and roasting. We do things because we want others to see we were there or we do things to keep a certain class of friends. Why? instead of technology bringing us together, we are more distant and are in competition with one another. We want to look good on social media and maintain a certain class on the ground.
What I’ve come to see in life is that the more you struggle the more you end up failing. Why can’t you go to a restaurant and enjoy the scrumptious meal and drinks without posting? or why do you have to struggle to maintain certain lifestyle or keep up with certain friends? If you don’t feel comfortable being around a certain type of people, the easiest thing to do is walk away. No one is going to kill you for that. Protect your sanity, enjoy moments and please no one but yourself.
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. In my film classes, one of our lecturers has persistently told us on the importance of planning before going out to shoot. He says that you need ample time before you can pick up the camera and start recording. Which is actually true. Because there is so much that takes place behind the scenes before the whole process starts. You have to have an idea of what you will shoot, the location, the actors and the script.
And this got me thinking. Many of us are aimlessly wondering through life without a clear direction of where they want to go. We wake up without plans, just living for the moment (YOLO). Yes it might be great to live for the moment, but for how long will you do so?
I recently saw a meme that said : “Your hustle today will determine whether you will be a grandfather who plays golf or draft.” It was funny but at the same time reflective. I’ve seen this from family friends whom we grew up with. How our parents planned themselves for their sunset years. And those who didn’t are now suffering. You might think that since you are energetic now, you don’t need to plan for the future.
Nobody knows about tomorrow but tomorrow is created by today. If you fail to have a steady career or built on your talent, how then do you think in the future you will reap benefits? Mbusi from Radio Jambo was the other day conversing with Jalango, and he said he first was an actor and stage performer from 2002 and from then he knew this is the thing he wants to do with his life, and he planned for it and today he is a household name in our radios.
It all started from 2002 and the vision he had has taken him to where he is today. He even has a head of state recommendation. So I urge you my dear readers, be planners and people who prepare for the future. Like in Game of Thrones when winter is coming, be ready for it.
“A good name is better than precious ointment and the day of death better than the day of one’s birth” (Ecclesiastes 7:1)
When the news that DMX was hospitalized for an Od, I was surprised. Just a few weeks before he was on drink champs sharing his life story. Then a week later we lost him. My world for a moment was standstill.
Growing up, he was among the few rappers I emulated telling my self I must one day be like him. Same to Jay Z, Eminem, Kanye west and Lil wayne. I liked him because each time you took a listen to his songs,there was something he wanted you to learn. Also the way he penned his thoughts down. You could feel his vulnerability being let out to the world.
And for most of us that is why we felt a sense of affiliation towards him. But today my piece isn’t a tribute to him rather it’s a reflection from the life he lived.
After his death despite having a recurrent addictive behavior, people remembered him more for the good rather than the bad he did. Something that got me pondering. What will we leave behind when we die? Is it the money, the cars, the bungalows or the impact we had on people’s lives?
We’re in a society that is materially motivated to the point we forget the teensy-weensy things that make life memorable. One would rather have a high walled house with no disturbances than having to see a neighbor each and every day. Were also taught to work hard and acquire a lot but never taught how to share. Were told if you’re not materially successful,then you don’t have a place in society.
Yes being affluent is good but there things money can’t buy. Money can’t buy happiness, joy, comfort, encouragement or even a good name. It can place you in a certain place in the society but if you lack the basics, it’s worthless. People remember one more for what he/she did to them in their lives than how many cars they owned.
You might be on top of the world right now but when you die, all that can topple in seconds.
“seen the rovers roll up with ribbons, I seen them re-poid re-sold then re-driven” Jay Z
“When power, power gets into your head, I can tell you, you will never remember that one day there is a bigger power almighty that will deal with you” (James Orengo) And that’s how most of us conduct ourselves when we get into authority. We forget the enabling force that put us into the position. And when we fall, we are full of regrets.
There’s been an ongoing discussion about the conduct of presenters from Homeboyz radio (breakfast show) and the remarks that they made a week ago. I happened to have a listen to the clip and was utterly disgusted by what they said. With such a huge platform, there are better and sane things to talk about rather than insulting and insinuating false beliefs into the minds of listener’s.
But that hasn’t been the first time presenter X (pseudo name we will give him) has behaved in such a way. Many at times he has had to either been reprimanded or pulled off air and instead of learning from the mistakes, continues to carry on with his behaviors. And that’s what James Orengo says; “when power, power gets into your head, you can never remember there is a bigger power…”
On the other hand, it should serve as a lesson to all of us. When God grants you the opportunity of influence, use the opportunity well. Educate, uplift, motivate and try to bring out a better society than you found.
Currently I’m reading A Promised Land by Barrack Obama and in an excerpt where he discusses bill passing, he says; ‘I think back to my community service days. I think of the steel – plant workers, there families and I remember the reason why I ran for office. I must make sure I deliver on the promise’. I wish those in office would emulate such kind of a person.
While we may be hard headed and think that power will last forever, God will remind you that he is the giver and taker of the same power. Presenter X has been moving with the notion of “bad boy” & that he can’t be brought down but shock on him.
As Lucky dube sings; “be good to the people on your way up the ladder you will meet them on your way down”. Away from him. Look at our politicians and so called celebrities. Those who walked proudly like pekoks are now nowhere to be seen or are fighting cases in court.
So I urge you my dear reader. Be humble, allow God to exalt you and when he does, serve him with all your strength.
One of the strengths that introversion has brought me is intuition. Whenever I go somewhere I get to notice the little bitty details that bypass people. Or I’m able to remember things and what people told me years ago. (well that hasn’t always been nice)
Still I like it. Apart from my queerness of reading four books a month and 2hrs of workout in the morning,there’s something positive in my introversion. That’s what has happened for the past two weeks. I’ve noticed a pattern of similar messages shared by different people that I’ve interacted with in the last 14 days. What has stood out is as if God is trying to tell me something. That despite my brokenness, he still has a greater purpose for me.
It started when I visited a tattoo parlor while redoing a tattoo I’ve had. I was in the company of a female friend and the tattooist asked her if she is saved and if she doesn’t mind he plays gospel music. I was intrigued. And he started asking me when were you last in church? And we chatted and chatted and even others who were getting tattoos contributed. It became more of a community sharing session. He shared how God picked him from the mess he was in and transformed him. I also shared what I’ve been through and where God has placed me and what I’m doing to be better while helping others.
Before leaving, we prayed and I remember his last words: “Don’t mind how rugged your past looks like. Infront lies better opportunities and God can’t put us through things he can’t get us through” We headed for home with my friend and the next day early at cockcrow we were in church. Afterwards we went back home, prepared breakfast, some snacks for a friend’s birthday she was going to and while I was leaving, she insisted I accompany her to the birthday. I did and while we were there, there father(catholic priest) came and shared the celebration with them. He got to talk to me abit as well as her friends trying to get to know me.
The sister of the birthday girl was quite keen on knowing me and how my spiritual life is. That evening they were going for bible study and insisted I come. I couldn’t make(considering I was going back to my place) but insisted I should be a frequent visitor and accompany them whenever they go for meditation prayers.
Three days later while leaving school I bump into my film lecturer. He quizzed me on where I live and how I find school life. I shared and the challenges I face. He told me: “don’t indulge in things you’ll later come to regret. You’re here for a short while. Use the opportunity you have well”.
Then on Sunday which has become my tradition; (not missing a TD. Jakes sermon) he was taking about shame, brokenness and knowing that you can do it. He shared in analogy to the greatest people in the bible, they had their weaknesses yet God choose them. Then in the evening churchill show big ted was talking about why he writes and that he wanted to use that as an opportunity to grow the quality of his life.
And that’s the message of my blog this morning. God will use the simple but disregarded things to teach us lessons. You might be waiting for an angel from heaven to touch down on earth (which might happen) but at times it’s the simple things we see in life that God uses to communicate to us.
God might use your mother, your father,your teacher, your friend or even a preacher on TV to tell you something. So next time when such happens to you, be willing to accept it with an open heart 💜💜
“I smile Even though I’m hurt, see, I smile I know God is working so I smile Even though I’ve been here for a while I smile Smile It’s so hard to look up when you’ve been down Sure would hate to see you give up now You look so much better when you smile” (Smile chorus) A favorite song of mine. If I had a top- ten list, it would comfortably seat among the first five alongside slave mill and never let you down. Not because of its popularity or because we share a jones history with the singer(Kirk franklin) but of the words dispatched by the singers.
The song basically has a story line of hurt and depression and urges people to forge forward in that God will be there for you 🙏. Which brings me to the message of today’s blog. Our attitude. From the merriam webster definition, it is; “a mental position with regards to a fact or state”(noun) With that, we can now see it all starts from our cognitive. Dripping down to our entire being. And if we fill it with antagonism, it will pull us down.
The human nature requires an equilibrium between good and bad, right and wrong but if we lean too much on one side, we might end up falling down like the seesaw game we played as kids. When a heavier opponent sat against you, he would lift you up the sky and leave you to fall. Similar to how our attitude operates. Yes we might be undergoing a harsh moment, but if we lean too much on what is happening, we miss the chance of picking ourselves up.
Just this week on Spotify I discovered a new podcast titled Happy place by Fearne Cotton. And the latest episode she was doing was with Rhonda Bryne the famous author of The Secret. A book that delves into knowing oneself and bettering of thyself. I enjoyed the 48 minutes episode. And Bryne said if you hold onto anger and hurt, it grows into you limiting your possibilities. She further said that you should let in the emotion, process it and let it out. ‘Everyday may not be a sunny happy day but despite the gloominess that comes, we shouldn’t let it take a hold of us’
An advice I would recommend. And as I finish, I urge you to always carry the positive luggage, leave behind the burden and imagine of endless possibilities ahead. We might not always have brighter days but we can create the sunshine we desire. It all starts in our minds. ☀️
Through The Mask 