Recently I was involved in an argument with a friend of mine. And while we were arguing, I realised we spent a lot of energy bickering, energy that could have been used to do constructive things in our lives.

And that’s what anger does. It drains you of your energy and it also consumes time. Two things when mishandled cause knots in someone’s life.

But also get me correct.  I’m not dismissing anger. All I’m saying is that there is a positive way of releasing the brise. Don’t spend all your energy trying to put out a large fire using a bucket. Get the hosepipe and put it out. Most of us usually use the bucket hoping the fire won’t spread while the fire itself is laughing at our efforts. “I wish he/she knew they can’t put me out”.

Anger is part of the humanistic nature just as happiness is. The only difference is how we express it. Most of us (me included) when we get angry the first thing we do is to throw tantrums and yell at the other person. We think he/she is the cause of our anger. Yes they might be but we need to sit back and analyze. “Will it solve anything by throwing tantrums ? Will it solve anything by shouting at the other person ?” at most no. Then we should find another way to express our anger.

I was once watching keeping up with the Kardashians and I saw kourtney was told by a therapist whenever she is angry at someone, she should pick up her phone write what she wanted to tell the other person and after ten minutes if she still wants to tell the person that then she should go ahead. From that episode that philosophy stuck with me. I also was listening to TD. Jake’s sermon last year when he was talking about anger and life. He said anger is not a bad emotion just that we don’t know how to control and express it.

He suggested showing someone you are angry for it will provide boundary setting as they will now know what upsets you. He also said before you attack someone,  ask yourself how you would feel if it was the opposite happening to you. Something I suggests we all try. As from my above article, I have tried to address anger and also give out pointers to help you my dear reader. Next time when angry, try using the kourtney philosophy.

One of the mantras that I came up with is “The son is the reflection of the father”. I came up with it one day while I was reflecting on life. And from that day it has stuck with me guiding me as I’m growing. I like it because it speaks truth to the sense that one models what he/she sees growing up or in front of him/her.

And that’s how most of us are living our lives. From what we saw, heard and were around. It’s not a problem to mirror what you saw but at times it’s better to create new ideas that will shape your life for the better.

Ever heard the saying of two brothers who grew up with an alcoholic father and one turned out like his dad while the other different ? And when asked he said he didn’t want to be like his father because he saw the unpleasant impact alchohol had on his life and he wanted to be distinct from him. That’s how we should be.

Try create something new. Go beyond what you’ve been accustomed to. It won’t cause you harm trying something new. That’s how great ideas were born. People like the Wright brothers or Henry Ford or Bill Gates or Martin Luther king jr. or Malcom X. That’s how they changed the world. They changed the world because they decided to be different and do new things.

And don’t expect people to clap 👏 for you when you decide to do so. You’ll get a lot of criticism but you have to forge on unbothered and aiming for your goal.

Everyone now travels on plane and enjoys the comfort of an aeroplane but when the Wright brothers were starting many criticized them.

Discarding old ways also is a good thing because most of us are going around carrying baggages that weigh a toll on us. Personally I hate the term “men don’t cry or be strong”. Most of us (men) grew up knowing it is wrong to cry or be seen as a sissies. And we carry that through out our lives not knowing were doing more damage than repair. Most men know the solution to problems is keeping quiet and avoid tackling problems in the name of “manning up”.

Another thing which I don’t like is people taking the steering wheel of your life and trying to drive you on a path they think will bring success. For me I believe success is relative. Just because you are a doctor doesn’t mean doctors are the only successful people in this world. Or working an 8-5 job being the only way one succeeds. And it stems down to marriage.

Many parents want to dictate to their children how they should live with their spouses, what investments they should take and how they should drive their lives. It’s not a bad thing for a parent to guide, but as T.D Jake’s says “I married you, I didn’t marry your mother”. And that’s how we should be. Unlearn the old and create new ways. With the little said above, I hope I have left an imprint in your life.

“Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

  We all have sorrows

   But if we are wise

  We always know that there’s tommorrow

Lean on me, when your not strong

And I’ll be your friend

I’ll help you carry on

For it won’t be long

Till I’m gonna need

Somebody to lean on” – Bill Withers (Lean on me)

One of the most profound songs of all time. And my third best of all time after Damian Marley shine your light and Jay Z ft Kanye west never let you down. I like it because it speaks of such obvious of a topic that is usually  shrugged off. We assume it’s a natural part of life. Of which it isn’t.

Leaning on or having a supporting shoulder. We also go onto great lengths to put the heavy load onto others to play that role in our lives and if they don’t, we  “cut them off”. Which we shouldn’t do. This is because it takes time to build a relationship that will guarantee a person will be there to lean on. It’s like marriage.

You dont just wake up one day and call a person your wife or husband. You start by knowing each other. You then proceed to dating, you then proceed to have arguments, have fights and finally see you can live with person X for the rest of your life. And that’s how life should be. You can’t meet someone be acquaintances then expect him or her to play the role of being inside your inner circle and if they don’t,  we call them “fake friends”. It shouldn’t be.

Grow with someone till you feel you can be able to count on them . Build that relationship. Because you don’t want everyone knowing your dirty linen. And that’s the purpose of having someone to lean on. As a child you feel great knowing that you’re mother or father is always there for you. Or even when playing. Like some of us who grew up in estates. Someone would try to bully you but if you told your big brother or sister they would come defend you.

And you felt great knowing there’s a shadow casting sunlight upon you. You felt a sense of relief. And that’s what leaning on someone is. Not the literal meaning. But the meaning that if you have trouble if you have problems you always have someone there for you.

Even the bible and the Koran share similar sentiments. God, Allah, Jesus and Mohammed are always there for us. “And whoever places his trust in Allah, Sufficient is He for him, for Allah will surely accomplish His Purpose: For verily, Allah has appointed for all things a due proportion.” (Quran, 65:3).” From this verse, we can see that indeed if we trust God he will work things out. That’s the message I wanted to pass. Have people to lean on but also be that person. Reciprocate and most importantly lean on the most high 🙏🙏

In 2017, I got to interact with legendary reggae  artists  Etana , Luciano and Richie Spice. It was one of my favorite moments in my life. And still is 😊😊. While at the luncheon and artist training,  they got to share their life experiences and tips that would guide us as upcoming artists. Etana said that she has never changed what she talks about, how she dresses and she hasn’t done anything in order to be famous. Richie spice said he has had the same discipline that he had while working as a carpenter and now a famous musician. Luciano said that what has made him stay in the reggae industry long is because he is true to himself and he cares about God, life and the world. He said he wants to leave a positive mark when he dies. After the talk I got home and contemplated what they had said and it got me thinking. What do I stand for ? Do I have such kind of discipline ? Do I know where I’m going ? And from that day onwards I purposed to start cultivating discipline in my life. Which has got me putting down thoughts in this article. From my dictionary , the meaning is a system of controlled order. Which I totally agree with. If there is no order, then things can’t run smoothly. And that’s how most of us live our lives. With no order just taking each day as it comes, being pushed into people’s agendas and doing thing’s with no end goal in sight. We do this subconsciously and end up complaining that “life is hard , I’m just a hustler ” and that’s where we remain.  I’m not disputing that life can be hard and that you have to hustle to make it, but I’m saying that if you lack discipline you won’t go far. It’s like an eagle. An eagle usually stays at the highest point in a tree so as to be able to see where food is and if it doesn’t do so, it knows it will go hungry. And at no point will you find and eagle down. Why ? This is the discipline it has created in itself. Then we as humans who are more advanced in thinking should do better. We should cultivate discipline for I believe it’s  the main ingredient in the success recipe. And if you look at most successful people in the world, most of them have a certain level of discipline that they follow. I once watched Akon on an interview and he was asked about music and relevance and success tips. He said those who treat music as a job are those that end up being successful. He gave an example of Eminem whom he said while they were recording “Smack that” he used to arrive at 8 in the studio and leave by 5 even if they hadn’t finished their session. How many artists do that ? Bringing it closer home, I had Naiboi being asked on radio when was the last time he went out and he said he doesn’t and that he only goes to a club to perform or promote music. Also Nyashinski. He was asked how he unwinds and what he likes to drink on TV and he said he neither drinks nor smokes and that he focuses on his music and art and how he can improve each day. Wow 🤔🤔. Ater I had the above scenarios, I had to rethink the way I do my things. And that is what I am talking about.  In order for you to be successful you need to cultivate a certain level of discipline that will enable you reach far. Start with simple things. Say you will start keeping time. Say that you won’t tell lies. Say that you will be more focused on things. Say you won’t drink and avoid drugs. Such simple things. At the end they will be part of your system and you will find yourself at places you never imagined.

Since the world took a paradigm shift, I also decided to do the same on a personal level. And one of the things I changed was my morning routine. (Waking up and checking my phone). Not because I don’t want to stay informed, but because I got overwhelmed with all that’s on the web. Alot of negativity, people bashing one another and other’s spreading all sorts of rumors about the pandemic. And starting your day with such kind of things can change the view and dictate how it shall be. Something that I don’t want.

I always want to be on a positive mood. But it can be hard. Seriously hard. And with the advancement of technology, negativity spreads faster than the positive thing that is intended to come out of a message. Like the corona virus. People are listening and reading more on who and what started / caused the virus than what is being done to reduce and resolve it. One day it’s a story about a Wuhan lab, the next day it’s Bill Gates (I feel for him) 💔. And it’s so ironical because he is among those who srarted the advancements we are enjoying and instead of thanking him, we try to bring him down with his work. As Richie spice sang in his song, cycle “The world is a cycle and everything weh happen, yes it come ‘roun’ in a circle”.

It got me missing the old day’s. Although I didn’t experience them fully, but I wish they extended abit. Day’s we relied on BBC and VOK for radio and updates, Tv was one chanel VOK, newspaper was the nation. No one could publish information without going through  a strict editorial team of Philip Ochieng and his team. Music was on vinyls, you had to go to disco to learn the latest dancing style. You had to be at a bull’s game to watch Michael Jordan or you’d miss the thrill.

I miss such days. But they had their own challenges. Because they could be easily manipulated to serve the interests of those in power. And 🇰🇪 is no exception to this. We all remember how it was before. That’s why we advanced in technology. My worry is how we’re using the technology. Instead of the positivity it’s meant to bring, it’s causing more harm than what it was meant to bring.

People get news and info so quick without it going through and editorial team. This is great but it can pause a great challenge because rumors can spread faster and make people panic and do things out of fear.

Like the corona virus. Someone writes an article on the cure, publishes it and is not a medical practitioner and people believe him / her because he has a catchy tag line “14 ways to cure corona”.

Leave alone news. People bring others down on the internet. They start poking someone until they achieve an ill motive of ensuring he / she suffers. This happens so often to us “celebrities”. And without knowing, one enters into depression and the next thing we hear, he / she comitted suicide. A very worrying trend.

Also comparison. Also jealousy also theft and many more examples. My list would be long if I decided to continue.

But I would like to challenge you my reader and anyone out there who comes across this article. Let’s be the agents of change, people who bring others up, people who share positive things online, people who use online as a way to get to know how our friends are doing. And with this, the world will be a better place.

You might be surprised by the title of the article. But please don’t. I love wine and I’m sure most of you do. But for me it’s a chilled drink (For someone who rarely drinks or goes out) plus when I have it I have some of the most intimate conversations with people. No disrespect to other alcohol brands or drinks but they’re not my thing. And that’s just life. We can’t all be the same. We can’t all like the same things, come from the same places and pick up same careers even when we’re twins. There’s just got to be some difference. And that’s the beauty of life. It creates so much diversity that you get to see thing’s on different lenses. Something I’ve come to appreciate as I get older. I’ve gotten to appreciate people for who they are. Whether they’re introverts (like me) or extroverts (who like to party) or amiable(people who experience both temperaments) I appreciate them for who they are. But sometimes it’s not the case. Most of us don’t even appreciate ourselves we try to fit in in a certain set standards so as to seem “cool / popular”. Something I strongly denounce. Just be yourself. People will like you for who you are, if they don’t then those aren’t meant to be your friends. For me as I stated up above, I’m an introvert. An INFJ (Introvert intuitive feeling judging) to be exact. I’m very quiet and when in a crowd of more than 10 people, sometimes I feel uncomfortable. I like helping others and I’m so concerned with worldly problems and bigger pictures I even forget about the present. I like specific things such as music, art and clothes. I’d rather listen to a whole Billie Elish album / Khalid or buy an old antique art piece or thing (such as a tv or a car) than keep up with what is trending. Surprisingly I’m better at performing and talking to a big crowd than interacting with them. I’m a musician and mostly after my performances I like to disappear and just go home. Rarely will you see me at after parties or taking photos📷 for socials. And that’s me. I can’t change myself. No matter how much I try. And I like that. I like who I am no matter how diverse I might be. As I’m getting older, I’ve learnt to embrace my diversity. Embrace my true self and only through that will I be able to appreciate others. Something I suggest you should also do. Just be yourself and the rest will be okay 😊. Also get to do a personality test (and understand yourself more) because through that you will truly get to know who you are and how to live with others.

It was a cold Easter Friday morning. I woke up earlier than usual and as the norm, I check my phone. I came across Olive’s tweet either by grace or by chance. The things which affirm that a higher being exists. I have also been struggling. Struggling to fight and find what’s right and what’s wrong. Trying to start over and failing. Each time promising thyself “I will do it”. But this time after reading his tweet I got motivated to do it more. More than I ever did. Because the negatives had taken a toll on me. A noticable toll. Money became my enemy, always sliping away from my arms. Friends I couldn’t keep. Those close noticed there was a problem. But this time I was determined. Not to please people but to work on myself to be better. Better than I was.This day will always serve as a new beginning. A new beginning to a new life, a new start, a new chapter just as Christ died on this day for our sins, so do I shed the past and wear a new suit. A new face a new shave a new home, if I could get a new name so as to reach the future my bed keeps on allowing me to dream about.

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‘Dread shine your light, so a child may follow, many have been lost along the way, until tonight, turns into tomorrow, teach them to be careful while at play” (Damian Marley) one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite artists. And at one of his performances he said he wrote this song for his nephews an nieces who are young adults growing. And it got me thinking. What example are we setting for people to follow? Recently there was a boy who posted a video online ranting about a girl who left him and it got people talking. Many people said he lacked good manners, while others blamed his parents. ‘How can a child say such kind of things?’

instead of the blame game, we should seat down and address the elephant in the room. He might be wrong for what he said but what difference is their from what politicians say ? or even clergy men like pastor Nganga? Sometimes it seems easy to blame the young people for their recklessness forgetting they learn from the older generation. Maybe he picked it up from television or the conversations he heard at home.

And the easiest place for people to learn things is from home. Home shapes an individual. Home prepares an individual for life. If at home one gets a wrong footing, it can have tremendous effects on his/her life. For example if a person grows up in a home where the language is vulgar, chances are high he will use that in everyday conversations.

We should then step up as a society and stop the blame game. Come to the table and see that young people model the older generation. The older generation then should set a good example. Not only the older generation, but also influential people. Musicians actors, journalists and even us as writers. We should set an example not to just live life without care.

Growing up, most of us we’re taught that by the time you get to 18 you should be able to live on your own. But is it true ? I don’t think so. This is because by the time you are 18, most likely you are finishing highschool, registering for University or doing A level’s ( Year 12, Year 13 or form 5 and six ) How then will you be able to fend for yourself ? For me growth is relative. It not only means growth in age, but also growth in terms of character and personality. Ever heard people say that one is old but not mature ? Most likely they are referring to his character. Which is a key element in growth. Some people might even be as old as seventy but if their character is weak, they still have not grown. IE ; (How they behave) Growth can also take another form. It can be outgrowing a habit in which you used to engage in before. At a higher chance those who do this outgrow a bad habit that they saw destructing their lives. Be it drinking, smoking, stealing or even the simplest as how you perceive people towards you. I can attest to this. For the past two years I decided to outgrow a habit which was disrupting my life and most of those who have known me prior and up to now have actually attested to seeing growth in my life. Also growth can be bettering yourself at what you do. Be it painting, writing or other skill’s and profession. You start becoming better and better at what you do and eventually the master of the trade. I recently read 50th law, a book written by Curtis Jackson alias 50 cent, and he talks about growth and says “Growth takes time and patience and bettering yourself to be the master” something I think most if possible all should apply. From the above points, I have tried to be brief but precise on the growth topic and I hope you as my reader have gained something.