Well. My dear reader. It’s been quite the year. I can say both positive and negative. First I never thought that I’d one day graduate and secondly, I never expected life to be as strenuous as it is. I guess nobody prepares you for what’s ahead.
My silence has been due to the fact that I’ve been trying to find myself amidst the chaos. The drama from home, life, love, and cents. Worse off life is moving at its own pace. Not the way I expected it to be. With all that, pouring my thoughts to you my reader became a huddle. But guess what, something inside of me irks to inspire you. To give out my beautifully crafted thoughts. I know you have missed me and here I am.
Although a lot has been overwhelming, I can say it has also taught me valuable gems that I think are worthy of sharing. Sometimes you might expect those that are closest to you to be the source of happiness yet they end up being the ones inflicting pain. What do you do? I have learned the hard way just like Konshens sings: “seek not the approval of a man or a woman, Mankind here today, tomorrow they are gone.” Or like Gloria Muliro: “If God was asking human beings how we ought to behave, then I’d not be the way I am and still I’d not be where I am”
There is also societal expectation. Se out expiry dates. Ages to get married, finish school, what jobs to do and where to call home. And if you are not careful enough you will feel frustrated if you don’t fit into this. You will be a wild goose chaser on things that are unattainable.
There is also shame and guilt. You feel bad for making mistakes. People leaving you. Having to start again. This is because we grew up knowing that failure is bad and if you got a D in math, then you don’t know how to count. Well, what if you didn’t understand the questions? or you were sick? Or you are good at something else not necessarily math?
Well, that is our society and what it has been teaching me. I hope the short nuggets will inspire you to see that despite what you are going through, everything will be okay. Like 2 Pac told us: “But please don’t cry, dry your eyes, never let up. Keep ya head up, ooh, child, things are gonna get easier Keep-keep ya head up, ooh, child, things’ll get brighter”
Rise up falling suffer Rise and take your stands again He who fights and run away Will live to fight another day
I’m usually amazed each time we reach the election cycles in any country. Because it’s usually the time politicians come up with slogans and promises of what they’ll do for us and then end up on not doing them. For example the talk of corruption. Five years ago it was going to be “dealt with” and five years later were still dealing with it. One wonders, are we really moving forward?
Don’t worry my reader. I’m not talking about politics. It’s a comparison I’m making. You see, life is like that sometimes. If you keep doing things the same way, don’t expect different results. Like going to the gym. If you lift weights the wrong way, no matter how much time you spend there, you’ll definitely not see results. Why? Wrong technique.
Same case to other areas of life. If you want to be financially free and still are spending money up hazardly, you’ll definitely never save a dime. Why? You don’t know how to manage your finances. I remember when I was in primary school and my teacher used to tell me no matter how long you study but your attitude towards the subject is bad, you’ll definitely never get good grades.
Which is something that has stuck with me till now. I never loved math but when I came to campus and changed my attitude, it has come to be one of my favorite subjects. Actually boosting my grades. My dear reader as I finish, I urge you to have a different outlook towards issues in life. Think about them differently and apply new techniques to solve them.
Like an addiction. You can never stop a behavior by doing things the same way. If you’re a drinking addict, look for the reasons why and change your patterns. If you’re used to drinking after work, why not use the same time to go to the gym? Or reading books? Adios till next time 🤗
Sorry Is all that you can’t say Years gone by and still Words don’t come easily Like sorry, like sorry Forgive me Is all that you can’t say
Have you ever realized when your angry at someone it’s easier to bash them out rather than to resolve the problem? You notice the mistake but you don’t notice the solution to fixing it. Sometimes that’s how life is. Words like: “you failed me” “you’re not perfect” are easier to say than “sorry” “let’s fix it”
Why you may ask? Because we live in a world where perfection is praised, hours are spent on ensuring things run meticulously that when one thing goes wrong, we feel we are taken back. Especially for us in media. One mistake in a link delays the whole program.
But then again, if we strive for perfection we miss the bits of life. Because no individual is perfect. The only perfect being we know of is the one watching the celestial world. He/she alone is the one blameless. And trying to equate your lover on the same level with God, you will be utterly disappointed.
A human being will fail you, will disappoint you. They will definitely not be able to meet your standards. And trying to make someone meet standards, is like trying to break a wall with your bare knuckles. Eventually you’ll get hurt. Standards are also the causes of imperfection in any relationship.
Why not try to let the other person be themselves? Give them a space where they can fail and allow them to do so. If they spill milk on the floor instead of complaining about it, help them clean it and let them learn that pouring it down isn’t good. Also, be human enough to whisper words such as “It’s okay” “I’m sorry” “let’s fix this” because through this words, we affirm to the other person that we hold them dearly and we are ready to work with them. Forgive them and show we value their presence.
See, to live is to suffer but to survive Well, that’s to find meaning in the suffering
I love going to the gym and I think that’s one of those things I do without anyone forcing me to. Reason being is I enjoy the company of those I work out with and two I want by the time I am 60 or 70 to be in the best shape possible. I don’t want to be a grandfather who cannot play with my grandchildren.
Yes. Those are my reasons for working out. I don’t know yours and I don’t know if you actually work out. Do you? we’ll that’s a personal question to answer. For today I’m talking about the mental gym. And this being the mental health month, I believe it’s a right topic for the right time.
So many of us spend much of our time behind a mirror applying makeup or at the mall buying the most expensive clothes yet our inner selves are stained and require cleaning. You can have the most expensive watch in the world but don’t know how to plan for having quality time with your loved ones. Or you can have the latest Fenty lipstick applied on your lips but what you utter is much more foul than the color.
For what reason are we like this? I think it’s due to the fact that no one talks to us about our inner selves. When you’re in school a teacher is concerned with how many marks you get in a test and not why you are sullen and sad. That to him/her is “laziness”. And if you grow up in such a system, you end up a broken adult.
You start hearing of high suicide rates, high spouse murders and high drug use. Which shouldn’t be the case. But on the other hand, you may ask me: “How do we resolve this issues?” First and foremost the basic thing we need to do is to train people to understand themselves.
Who are you and why do you act the way you are? if you are an introvert or extrovert, what are your characteristics. If you are an INFJ or INFT or EXFT. Secondly let us train people to speak up. Have mechanisms of sharing, complaining and being heard. Because we bottle down our emotions and once they blow up, disaster looms. And lastly let’s learn to take care of ourselves. Think of you first because you can’t be of service if you are bleeding. With that, the mental gym in our brains will be wired to face life’s atrocities
Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are
Have you ever walked and got lost then you found your way? That good feeling. Or walking at night and coming across a place with light? Well, thats the idea of my article today. Finding yourself. Often, you will be caught up in life till things make you forget about who you are.
Doing things the same way gets you the same results. This can frustrate till you one day squeal: “Life is hard”. Is it? Yes but I believe it can be made simpler. Not by seating down but by finding yourself.
Then again, you may ask: “What is finding yourself? Who am I? Where do I want to be?” If this questions keep lingering in your mind, then you are on a journey to discovery. Because finding yourself is a journey with no formula but a Genesis. A speaker might give you ten keys to success but never keys to your own sucess. The fact is that my life’s journey cannot the same as that of my friends. Reason being we are all uniquely built.
And all you need is that one moment of realization. Currently, I’m reading the Tina Turner biography and in that book she details that it had to reach the point that she could stand up to Ike’s abuse that she finally got free. If she didn’t do so would she be free? The same to Jay Z. He details in his own book (Decoded) that after the murder charge he got it’s what pushed him to change his life. Same to Gucci mane who says (in his book) that it took him to almost loose everything and especially the person he loved that he had to change. The Gucci mane of 2007 is different from that of 2022. Much masculine and sharper in thinking.
Even though you get to that one moment of realization, you need to think of how far you have come and what you have lost and where you want to be. Tina looked at her life and all she had lost and realized that she is wasting time and years don’t go backwards. That pushed her. You might be putting up with someone in a relationship yet it is draining you much. Holding you back from your destiny and the love you deserve. Like Nipsey Hussle. 50 cent in his book (Hustle hard, hustle smarter) pens down how if not being around the same place as he started, Nipsey would have been alive. He stayed too long inert at the hood.
Get off that abusive relationship. Get rid of that friend who is pulling you back. Stagnant and never plans for his/her future. Like Jenifer Lopez and Diddy. If she didn’t leave Diddy, we wouldn’t have the successful JLO we do know.
Not saying that Diddy is a bad man rather I’m pointing on the direction JLO wanted to take. Or Kim Kardashian waking away from Kanye west. She put up with a lot that drained her energy. But when she realized what she had lost, she decided enough is enough. To you my reader, when is your enough? How much more do you think you can put up with?
But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved
As the corona pandemic fades away, so does a new dawn start. It seemed impossible to reach a point where we would walk mask free. The last two years have really taken a toll on the world.
But then again, that’s how the world works. Full of different seasons. One bright, another gloomy. Hence weather cycles: winter, summer, autumn and spring. If it’s summer we wear freely. If it’s winter, we keep warm. We know when to plant and harvest.
Though when it comes to our daily human life, we skip this seasons. When you are down, you feel as if you will never get up. And when you’re up, you feel as if the world revolves around you. Forgetting things do change. As lucky dube once sang: “Be good to the people on your way up the ladder, you’ll meet them on your way down”.
And no one is in control of fate. You might have a large sum of money in your account and suddenly the stock market crashes. Or you fall ill and need money for treatment? What do you do? We’ll that you have to answer alone. But then again, as the title suggests (new dawn). A time to start, be great and chase your dreams. I remember when Covid started, almost all media and news reports were negative so much so that some suggested that “we’ll never be able to go back to how life was.”
But here we are. Mask free? Were they right? I don’t think so. And that should serve as a lesson to you my dear reader. Sometimes situations, life and people may put you down but it doesn’t mean you can’t get back up. Just because you are struggling doesn’t mean one day you’ll never be successful. Or because you live in a shanty town you can’t own a house. Embrace the struggle and know that joy comes in the morning.
That’s my bipolar. What? That’s my superpower. Ain’t no disability (Kanye west)
In the last 20 years, the number of mental health cases in the world have risen and 3/4 of those come from men. Shocked? Well you shouldn’t be. Men are the most affected and the least to speak about mental health. It’s actually a taboo to cry as a man. I wonder who came up with such rules? 🤷
And just recently the Ricky Rick story got me thinking. How many more gents must die before we realize that there’s a problem? How many? I think it’s high time we act. Not just seating on the sidelines as we watch men suffer. Let’s stand up and fight this thing.
First and foremost teachings given to men from childhood should change. If a boy is hurt at home he is told: “not to cry and carry the pain”. Thus when he grows up he will ultimately know that pain is a good thing. Room for vulnerability is shut as pain is seen as the “manly thing”. Secondly it’s the structure of our society. That men should always be the leaders and women to follow. Yes it’s a good thing to lead but if all the time you are on the drivers seat, when do you have time to be chauffered and enjoy the ride?
Then come to social wiring. Let’s take a bar scenario. And this is a research I’ve carried out and observed for the last 7 – 8 years. (As a good journalist 😉) Two tables. One with approximately 6 – 10 women and the other with the same number of men. The table of men the discussions will be about politics (like the current Ukraine – Russia tension), football, business, women and sex. Then the table with ladies will be deep talk. If one shares about how her business is running, the rest will be curious to know how they can help. And a lady won’t feel ashamed to share with her “girlfriends” if she has marital problems. By the time a lady leaves the bar she is feeling lighter as a load is taken off her back. And surprisingly the table with men will be the one that has more alcohol consumption.
That’s why it’s easier for a man to come home from a bar and beat his wife/ children while the wife will come home straight to bed or have a small chat. Because she has relieved the tension within her. How I wish we borrowed that leaf from our counterparts. The thing about opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It doesn’t reduce your manliness by saying I’m weak. Actually it strengthens you because you will be able to tackle the stumbling block. Like when we were kids. If you were weak at a certain subject, you took remedial classes to be able to sharpen your skills. The teacher gave you their ears and took a keen interest at you.
When the test came you scored better grades. And lastly to my fellow men, saying I’m weak doesn’t mean you’re no longer a man. It means your a better man because you have finally recognized what ails you. You will be a stronger man by the time you finish the therapy sessions. Don’t wait till it’s too late. And if you see your fellow man is down, pick him up and help him walk. For we rise by lifting others 🏋️♂️
Cause whatever you love can be taken away, so live like it’s your dying day
There’s a reggae song that goes: “Well the years have come and the years have gone Still the son of man keeps a trotting on Journey, journey on. Yet from innocence to experience.From dependence to independence Journey, journey on. Well now i have love and i have been loved. I have judged and I have been judged. Journey, journey on. So where there come a storm there’s a victory. Cause I live all and all lives in me. Journey, journey on” (Jimmy Cliff) This sums up the story of my life.
Another year. Wow time really flies. Just the other day it was me and my mom (trotting) everywhere to now being alone (having to figure out) things on my own. Trying to be a man in this cold world. (I never knew adulting would be this hard) But hey, that’s the beauty of life. Struggles building us.
Some of the lessons I’m learning in this new season is to always utilize each given opportunity. Because you never know when It’ll be gone. Eminem once sang: “you better loose yourself in the moment and never let it go, you’ve got one chance to show, better never let it go”
Another lesson I’ve learnt it’s okay to be you. You’ll never please everyone and not everybody will like you. And never do things in order to ” fit in” or “coolest dude or lady”. The downfall of social media and technology is that everyone always wants to show how they’ve got their shit together and they’re all glamorous. It has now engrained a thinking in most people to always “be out drinking” or ” on holiday”. I mean if you’re always drinking, when do you have time to take care of yourself?
Well lemme not be not be too political but those are some of the nuggets life has handed me. Now I’m at a better position than I was before. Done with cognitive development and ready for the next step. Older, bolder and wiser. Join me on this journey by sparing a few minutes for a read 🥂🍻
When the sun perks up, we know the day has started. Just as so, the year 2022 is on the starting point. “On your marks” the whistle is blown.
But are we really ready for it? How enthusiastic are you? Do you think it’ll be your year? Don’t just say it, claim it. And how do you do so? Many are the times we write resolutions but on reaching February, the course is diverted. By July life is back to normal. Helter skelter we run. Forgetting we had a mission to loose weight, stop drinking or start that business.
A recent study has shown that most people by January 17th are either on track with their resolutions or are off track. Which side of the pendulum do you want to be on? My dear reader, be enthusiastic but keep the faith. The load might be heavy but don’t be weary. If your goal is to end an addiction, start by identifying the triggers and why you engage in a certain vice. Might it be you smoke when stressed?
Then find alternative methods to vent. You can decide when stressed to go for a run, or take a walk, read a book. And that way your goal will be reached. Have a destination set for December and start the journey. Fuel the car (dreams, hopes, aspirations), look at the map (what do J need to do to get there?) Then embark on the journey (perseverance) and lastly arrive at your destination (goal).
When the year ends, most of us are usually making merry, enjoying with friends and family. Though for me, I prefer to use the time to reflect and plan ahead for the incoming year. A new chapter, 365 vibrant days. And as I do so this year, I’ve decided to be different. Because times have also changed thus promoting my move. 21 lessons for 2021. Things I’ve learnt that I think will be beneficial to you my reader.
1. EACH OPPORTUNITY IS A LEARNING OPPORTUNITY: Whatever opportunities life offers you, grab them and learn from them. Because when you learn, you grow.
2. YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE: Not everyone will like you. And that’s okay. Plus you can’t fit in everyone’s shoes. That’s why you’re feet are your’s and the type of shoe you like is what you like. You find it at a specific shop. Nike and Adidas are both sport’s shoes but they appeal to different customers.
3. BE REAL: Be true to who you are and live it to the fullest. Embrace the acne on your face, your dark skin. Because through that, people will love you for who you are.
4. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO ALWAYS WORK OUT: Accept that things won’t always go your way. And not all the time you’ll hear a yes. A no or a fail will teach you valuable lessons.
5. FAIL FORWARD: Because that’s the only way you grow. You’ll learn what not to do again.
6. ON TO THE NEXT ONE: Too many people to love you, too many to hug you. Too many to kiss you. Don’t stress over the one who said no. Or that friend that “cut you off”. You’ll make more friends, meet a new lover and you’ll be surprised.
7. HOW MANY BOOKS ? Do you read? Do you want to expand your knowledge capacity? Do you want to learn from others? Your idol? Your role model?
8. MOOD FOR MUSIC: Don’t just listen to music for the sake of listening. Or listening to the “latest song”. Look for music that touches your soul, the songs that speak to your heart, the songs that get you through the trying times. On my Spotify you’ll find that reggae and soul music are my most listened to genres of 2021.
9. PODCASTS? VLOGS? Subscribe to one, two or three. Not only will you enjoy, but you’ll definitely learn a lot. Thank you Mr Obama and Oprah.
10. ENJOY SMALL WINS: Celebrate those teensy – weensy moments. Don’t wait for that “big break” it might not come.
11. NO WAYS TO BECOME RICHER: Success lies in your hands. Your life is different from Steve Jobs or Richard Branson. Not dismissing the advice they give but heck, your life is your life. We all face different circumstances thus “10 ways” won’t work for everyone. Just like my 21 lessons are my personal reflections. They might be for you, they might not.
12. “YOLO” THE WORST MANTRA: If you only live once, why do you have different life experiences. Once you were a child, pre – teen, teen, youth, adult and ultimately a grandma or grandpa. That’s the lifecycle. But don’t waste it at one point. Or think there’s more time. You start drinking at 21 by the time your 60, you’ll be a full blown alcoholic suffering from various diseases.
13. INNER PEACE: “Protect your life. It’s your one and only” From Beres harmond and Popcaan’s song. Inner peace is valuable because when you’re at ease, you’ll definitely be at your best. Shun away from negativity, bad vibes and low vibrational people.
14. WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT: Don’t wait for lifestyle disease’s to hit you up. Do it now & you’ll enjoy it. Prevention is better than cure.
15. MY FRIENDS ARE MY INFLUENCE: If 4 of your friends are into gang and gang related stuff, definitely you’ll be the fifth. No miracle about that. Honestly some of the best people that have changed me this year have been my friends.
16. SOCIAL MEDIA CLOUT: Don’t chase it. A leopard doesn’t stay the same place with a cat. You’ll please five to ten people for likes wherase your mental and personal health is at risk.
17. RAISE YOUR STANDARDS: When you are you, you are true to who you really are. Don’t degrade so as to fit with other’s. Be authentically you. If you don’t drink, that’s fine. You don’t have to to please people.
18. MEDITATION: Doesn’t have to be the Buddhist one. Take sometime off from the usual you and close your eyes. Be in a trance and release yourself to the inner world. Amazing it’ll be.
19. EXPIRY DATE: Food has it, so does life. Just that at times it’s a bit hidden or we ignore it. We continue till life gets us sick. Like TD. Jakes, “Let it go”. I suggest you get his book (Let it go ; forgive so that you can be forgiven)
20. NEW GOALS BUT SAME YOU ? Naah. That doesn’t work. The year will still be the same unless you introspect. Nobody’s gonna do the work for you.
21. GOD, GOD, GOD: Your best friend, your counsel, your guider. It’s not about religion but the relationship with him. Read the Quran, the Bhagavad Gita, the Bible and get to know him. He will amaze you. “Say a prayer and chant Psalms, prayer a day keep the evil calm You don’t have to go to church or be a Christian to call on Jah name Shout out tha name Jehovah in the valleys Shout out tha name Jehovah on the hills Shout out tha name Jehovah on the plains or even if it rains Call on the name, call on Jah name the same, call on the name, yeah” (Sanchez)
Gear forward, tuck your seatbelt in and get ready for the 2022 journey. Adios my reader ♥️♥️
Through The Mask 