One of the preeminent teachings you get from therapy is that you can’t help others if you haven’t helped yourself. You might wonder; “will that be possible?” Yes it can. Just that our society hasn’t allowed the notion to thrive.
The next question you might ask, is how that will be done. And won’t you seem a vexatious person? No you won’t. Actually I’ve come to learn that it’s better to first help yourself before helping others.
And this has been through experiences. Many people usually find me an easy going person and whenever they need a helping hand, I’m always available. But as I avail myself to others, I’ve also seen it has had a detrimental effect. I might avail to offer a helping hand while on my end my shoulder is hurting. And then I’m left in pain.
That’s why after experiences I’ve decided to put me first before others. I feed myself before offering a plate. Not an easy thing to do considering people viewing you as selfish. As it is human for you to expect help when in pain.
But also it’s more humane to have the strength required to help others. You can’t lift a friend from a ditch while you’re falling in the same ditch. So my dear reader, I want to challenge you this year to start with you before thinking of others. Not a mean thing to do but a healthy habit to cultivate.
In September 2016 on a fine Saturday evening I was briskly walking home and I happen to come across a multitude of people gathered and singing in joyous celebration. It was on the pathway between holy family basilica and city hallway. I was intrigued and decided to go and see what is going on. I was ushered in with warm hands and given a pamphlet that read; “happy new year”. I thought to myself; “this seems quite interesting”.
And that is how I found myself in a new years celebration in September. I enjoyed the fete not only the singing and dancing but also what I learnt. After we sang and danced ourselves out, the preacher took to the podium and shared words that have stuck with me ever since. “We are celebrating the new year not as others do but as we do. Let this be a new beginning but also the continuation of the previous. As you plan and write resolutions remember they will only come to pass if you are willing to work. Not forgetting the destiny that God has placed in you”
He continued sharing and urging people to think of where they want their lives to be and what they need to do in order reach there. Rather than just coming up with yearly based resolutions. And that is what has prompted my article. Resolutions and the new year. You might be surprised by the tittle but please don’t be. I heard of it from media personality G money(Cornad Garry)on his podcast; (the mics are open). He was asked by fellow podcaster Andrew what are his resolutions for 2021 and he said he doesn’t write resolutions, rather he reflects on his life to see if there is an improvement towards where he wants to be.
A point worth jotting down. Many of us usually begin a year with a list of things onto which we project and say we will do but rarely accomplish. Why you may ask? it’s simple. If you don’t have an elevated mindset and drive, rarely do you see things through. You may want to go to the gym and look well but what is your overall notion towards fitness? do you enjoy working out? are you willing to forfeit eating unhealthy to a more greener and cleaner diet?. Or take another example savings. What is your relationship with money. How do you look at money? is it something you fear addressing?. If most of the above questions keep your mind buzzing, it’s high time you elevate.
Elevate in the way you see things, the way you do them, the way you handle them and that is how you’ll accomplish all you want. Another point worth jotting is having a vision board. A vision board will help you know where you want your life to be and it will guide you on the steps to take. For example I want to be a best selling author and a show host(just like Oprah Winfrey).
On my vision board I have written that down and broken the steps to get there. I have started with my blog and I’m also doing youtube videos. When each year ends and I begin the next, I usually try to see if I’m closer to my dreams and what do I need to improve to get there. Not just a list of 10 things to do for 2021.
But don’t get me wrong. I’m not dismissing resolutions, rather I’m guiding you on how to make them work. So when each year begins, try to see if you are elevating or downgrading.
“There is a right and there’s a wrong, face the two and be a man, play your part in the father’s plan of creation” *Luciano (Jah Is Much Stronger)
Such kind of songs made me fall in love with reggae music. And up to now I still listen to the music. I like it because it passes a message and consummates the masses. But that’s for another day. For today I want to talk about doing right. As the song has said, there is a wrong and a right but do we really know the difference ? I bet yes it’s just that we’ve decided as a society to norm some shaft and allow them to happen.
Begining from the traditional settings, people were taught what is acceptable and what is not. And when one did a wrong, there were consequences that followed. Then where did we go wrong? According to me, all went sideways when those who did wrong got more glory than those who did right. This then made people see that; “okay, if I do this even though it’s wrong, I still will benefit and be like person X or person Y”
Drug dealers got more fame than pastors. Gang leaders became more attractive to the youth than doctors. Rouge politicians became more successful than teachers. With this, it brought about a shift in thinking. Children started dropping out of school to start selling drugs, more and more people started revering political tricks as opposed to properly campaigning. And before we knew it, our societal morals were on a downhill spiral.
And the media and entertainment business picked up this notion. More movies started being filmed with either drug dealer characters or gangs and they stated making money off this. From The Godfather up to Gangs of London, the society has been infiltrated with this thinking that it’s okay to do wrong, you will make it. That’s why it took a director like Tyler perry a longer time to reach the top because he didn’t reflect this norm.
But should we seat down and watch as the society crumbles on its morals ? no. It’s tough doing the right thing in a place where wrong has been made “okay” but that doesn’t discard a wave of change. It took men like Mandela 27 years in prison to realise a change in racial inequality so don’t expect the journey to be a walk in the park.
In whatever space you might be in, try make a difference. As a politician inspire people by showing them that your manifesto and how you campaign gets you elected. Not through vote riging and hate speech. As a director, create movies that will change the society and not corrupt morals. As a writer, inspire people with your words and most importantly as a parent reflect an image that you would want your children to be like.
“Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.”John 6:8-13 NIV
One of the most famous parables taught by Jesus. I remember as a child having to hear it taught each time we had bible study week (DVBS).
But do most of us know the intended meaning it is supposed to pass?
I don’t think so. It’s just recently that I had a deep study of the verse that I came to grasp the meaning.
It’s taking about our gifts and environments. What we have at hand.
Are we willing to use them to transform our lives? or are we going to be like Andrew the disciple and say “here is a boy with five barely small loaves and two fish?”
Growing up, I grew up in an estate called Santack along Ngong road on your way to Karen and opposite Nairobi showground. I happened to have a neighbor called Joe.
Joe became a good neighbor to the point people started thinking he is my uncle. Nowadays I’m so used to introducing him as “Uncle Joe”.
For the twenty plus something years I’ve been on this earth, I’ve known Joe doing glass – art or as popularly known “engraving”.
He doesn’t have the masters and PhD’s that most people do but his skill has made him travel the globe and meet very influential people.
Just recently our deputy president (William Ruto) bought his engraving and gifted him machines to expand his work.
When he was starting, most people thought he wouldn’t amount into anything. They so much discouraged him from following his dreams that he felt like giving up.
My mom and dad saw the potential he had and encouraged him to continue pushing for I believe they saw where he was destined to go. They taught him some few professional etiquettes for they were both in the working environment.
Even when he had his accident my mom as a nurse helped him in the recouping process. He has been pushing with his art up to today and he is the classical analogy of the five loaves and two fish. He used what he had at hand to transform his life.
Recently nation newspaper did a feature on him and he said it’s his art that transformed his life from a cow ranch life in Nanyuki to where he is today.
And that is what I’m trying to address in my story this month. Whatever you have at hand, use it to your advantage and you shall be amazed.
Don’t just whine about how you don’t have thing x and y, rather use the little you have to change your situation. As they say, “necessity is the mother of invention”
Yes. That’s the byname we Kenyans have given to our beautiful capital city. Not because it’s a city filled with stones, rather it’s because of the hardened nature of it.
As stones are hard and don’t break easily so does our city. Those who have lived in it can vindicate the statement. Nairobi is an ever bustling city with people on the move. You might be surprised as a visitor to find no one idling around as we say in our local dialect of sheng “magithaa ni maganji” (time is money). As you get to stay in the cosmopolis, you start being accustomed to the nature and know the whereabouts of each corner and who is who.
You will also be welcomed with things missing, being duped, buying jive products getting lost and so on. You will also know when to wake up and catch the train, what routes do busses take, where are the markets and how to save money. I got this first-hand experience when I got my identity card and started being a loner. I thought being born in the city gave me a free pass to the experiences but until I got corned that’s when I knew “son, welcome to the stone city”.
And that’s how life is. Sometimes we have to undergo certain experiences in order for us to know importance of certain things. I’m not suggesting that we depricate advice that we are given, rather I’m suggesting that something’s we have to experience to know their importance. You will never know how valuable money is until you have it and loose it. You will never know how important being warm-hearted is until one day you hurt those you love the most.
I recently had taken a break from school and decided to tackle life’s bull by its horns. I thought life is just a matter of starting ideas and pop “triumph” arrives. Shock on me. That’s when I realized life is but a journey and school gives you that sponge to fall back on and perfect yourself before entering the world. Without such an endurance, I would have never known how important education is.
That is the kind of experience I’m taking about. One needs such kind of lessons in order to know the value of certain things in life and also what not to do. Yes, listen to the advice of others especially those with much more experience than you but also be prepared to learn from life.
Make that bad investment so that you know how to invest better. Lose that first love and learn from the experience so that you know how to love. Even the bible gives a story of the prodigal son.
He was upfront with his father and demanded his share of his birthright as he said “I’m ready to be me”. Shock on him. Within no time he had squandered all his birthright and he became a pooper living with pigs. At that point that is when he realized the mistake he had done. He got up and decided to change and never repeat the same mistake again.
Without such an experience he would have never known the importance of patience and planning. As the narration goes on, we see he goes back to his father to ask for forgiveness. Because he learnt from his stumble. That’s how life should be.
We need such kind of experiences to teach us lessons that will long be engraved at the core of our beings. Appreciate them and don’t be afraid to learn. As the title states “Stone City”, that is also how life is. Not an easy journey but a learning process.
Through The Mask 