IT TAKES TIME

*Dedication, hard work plus patience, the sum of all my sacrifice*

Yes, I’m back. I know my dear reader that you have been asking where I went but here I am. I had taken a small break first because I wanted to figure out what is next in my life. How do I move from where I am to the next position? Secondly, I was going through a lot both mentally and emotionally. And as a creative, if not in the right frame, it’s hard to churn out ideas to the world. Thirdly, I’ve been thinking about how do I grow my brand from just a write-up to something that can transform people’s lives. Soon much more will come from through the mask. Even a podcast/vlog.

Thank you for your patience. To today’s topic. Actually, it coincides with what is happening in Kenya. The general elections and the anxiety that has arisen. Everyone wants to know who is the president. Why is it taking long before they announce? is there a plan to rig the elections?

Well, I don’t think so. We live in a society where everything is instant so much so when something takes a while to appear, we get frustrated. When you want coffee, place your cup in the coffee maker, when you want warm food, place it in the microwave. If you want food, order and Jumia will deliver to your doorstep. Want your favorite whiskey or wine, order and dial a delivery will do the job.

Even our favorite celebrities are endorsing this. Recently I heard some talk about cooking. How they despise the whole process, they’d rather order than cook. “We cook when we want to and doing the dishes, is a whole lot of process.” But when they are hungry, do they eat when they want to or because they have to? Questions to ponder on.

We have reached a level where so many of us despise patience and putting effort in that we now have instant standards. For example in dating. If a man doesn’t treat a lady, take her out then there is no need for being together. A certain meme read that if he doesn’t know your waist size and shoe size, leave him. People don’t want to work hard for what they want because it will take time rather they put pressure on instantaneity. Same case for men. You want to meet someone today, go out the next boom you’ve had intimacy, and in a month or two call each other lovers. Well, it doesn’t work like that. You don’t even know them. How can someone be your girlfriend yet you’ve only known them when they are happy? do you know what ticks them off? what fears do they have? what’s their favorite drink? I guess stick to Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule of sex.

As instant as we want things, let’s remember that good things take time to arrive. It takes a lot of digging for miners before they can get gold but it’s easier to mine brass and silver. On the weighing scale, gold costs more than silver. Cheating your way to a job seems easy than putting in the hard work but the hard work pays off because you will have gained experience. You will know what to do when a crisis occurs.

In 2017 when we rushed the electioneering process, what arose was too many abnormalities and inconsistencies that put the country on the brink of chaos. The courts ruled that there was no transparency and the affected parties took to demonstrations once the grievances were not met. Now in 2022, the process looks slow but it leaves no room for anyone to rumble. And that’s how to live life. Rather take the long road and just like Mandela, the 27 years will pay off. Adios, my reader!

CYCLIC

*Rise up falling suffer*
*Rise and take your stands again*
*He who fights and run away*
*Will live to fight another day*

I’m usually amazed each time we reach the election cycles in any country. Because it’s usually the time politicians come up with slogans and promises of what they’ll do for us and then end up on not doing them. For example the talk of corruption. Five years ago it was going to be “dealt with” and five years later were still dealing with it. One wonders, are we really moving forward?

Don’t worry my reader. I’m not talking about politics. It’s a comparison I’m making. You see, life is like that sometimes. If you keep doing things the same way, don’t expect different results. Like going to the gym. If you lift weights the wrong way, no matter how much time you spend there, you’ll definitely not see results. Why? Wrong technique.

Same case to other areas of life. If you want to be financially free and still are spending money up hazardly, you’ll definitely never save a dime. Why? You don’t know how to manage your finances. I remember when I was in primary school and my teacher used to tell me no matter how long you study but your attitude towards the subject is bad, you’ll definitely never get good grades.

Which is something that has stuck with me till now. I never loved math but when I came to campus and changed my attitude, it has come to be one of my favorite subjects. Actually boosting my grades. My dear reader as I finish, I urge you to have a different outlook towards issues in life. Think about them differently and apply new techniques to solve them.

Like an addiction. You can never stop a behavior by doing things the same way. If you’re a drinking addict, look for the reasons why and change your patterns. If you’re used to drinking after work, why not use the same time to go to the gym? Or reading books? Adios till next time 🤗

HARD SPOKEN

*Sorry Is all that you can’t say Years gone by and still Words don’t come easily Like sorry, like sorry Forgive me Is all that you can’t say*

Have you ever realized when your angry at someone it’s easier to bash them out rather than to resolve the problem? You notice the mistake but you don’t notice the solution to fixing it. Sometimes that’s how life is. Words like: “you failed me” “you’re not perfect” are easier to say than “sorry” “let’s fix it”

Why you may ask? Because we live in a world where perfection is praised, hours are spent on ensuring things run meticulously that when one thing goes wrong, we feel we are taken back. Especially for us in media. One mistake in a link delays the whole program.

But then again, if we strive for perfection we miss the bits of life. Because no individual is perfect. The only perfect being we know of is the one watching the celestial world. He/she alone is the one blameless. And trying to equate your lover on the same level with God, you will be utterly disappointed.

A human being will fail you, will disappoint you. They will definitely not be able to meet your standards. And trying to make someone meet standards, is like trying to break a wall with your bare knuckles. Eventually you’ll get hurt. Standards are also the causes of imperfection in any relationship.

Why not try to let the other person be themselves? Give them a space where they can fail and allow them to do so. If they spill milk on the floor instead of complaining about it, help them clean it and let them learn that pouring it down isn’t good. Also, be human enough to whisper words such as “It’s okay” “I’m sorry” “let’s fix this” because through this words, we affirm to the other person that we hold them dearly and we are ready to work with them. Forgive them and show we value their presence.

MENTAL GYM

*See, to live is to suffer but to survive*
*Well, that’s to find meaning in the suffering*

I love going to the gym and I think that’s one of those things I do without anyone forcing me to. Reason being is I enjoy the company of those I work out with and two I want by the time I am 60 or 70 to be in the best shape possible. I don’t want to be a grandfather who cannot play with my grandchildren.

Yes. Those are my reasons for working out. I don’t know yours and I don’t know if you actually work out. Do you? we’ll that’s a personal question to answer. For today I’m talking about the mental gym. And this being the mental health month, I believe it’s a right topic for the right time.

So many of us spend much of our time behind a mirror applying makeup or at the mall buying the most expensive clothes yet our inner selves are stained and require cleaning. You can have the most expensive watch in the world but don’t know how to plan for having quality time with your loved ones. Or you can have the latest Fenty lipstick applied on your lips but what you utter is much more foul than the color.

For what reason are we like this? I think it’s due to the fact that no one talks to us about our inner selves. When you’re in school a teacher is concerned with how many marks you get in a test and not why you are sullen and sad. That to him/her is “laziness”. And if you grow up in such a system, you end up a broken adult.

You start hearing of high suicide rates, high spouse murders and high drug use. Which shouldn’t be the case. But on the other hand, you may ask me: “How do we resolve this issues?” First and foremost the basic thing we need to do is to train people to understand themselves.

Who are you and why do you act the way you are? if you are an introvert or extrovert, what are your characteristics. If you are an INFJ or INFT or EXFT. Secondly let us train people to speak up. Have mechanisms of sharing, complaining and being heard. Because we bottle down our emotions and once they blow up, disaster looms. And lastly let’s learn to take care of ourselves. Think of you first because you can’t be of service if you are bleeding. With that, the mental gym in our brains will be wired to face life’s atrocities

I FOUND ME

*Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are*

Have you ever walked and got lost then you found your way? That good feeling. Or walking at night and coming across a place with light? Well, thats the idea of my article today. Finding yourself. Often, you will be caught up in life till things make you forget about who you are.

Doing things the same way gets you the same results. This can frustrate till you one day squeal: “Life is hard”. Is it? Yes but I believe it can be made simpler. Not by seating down but by finding yourself.

Then again, you may ask: “What is finding yourself? Who am I? Where do I want to be?” If this questions keep lingering in your mind, then you are on a journey to discovery.
Because finding yourself is a journey with no formula but a Genesis. A speaker might give you ten keys to success but never keys to your own sucess. The fact is that my life’s journey cannot the same as that of my friends. Reason being we are all uniquely built.

And all you need is that one moment of realization. Currently, I’m reading the Tina Turner biography and in that book she details that it had to reach the point that she could stand up to Ike’s abuse that she finally got free. If she didn’t do so would she be free? The same to Jay Z. He details in his own book (Decoded) that after the murder charge he got it’s what pushed him to change his life. Same to Gucci mane who says (in his book) that it took him to almost loose everything and especially the person he loved that he had to change. The Gucci mane of 2007 is different from that of 2022. Much masculine and sharper in thinking.

Even though you get to that one moment of realization, you need to think of how far you have come and what you have lost and where you want to be. Tina looked at her life and all she had lost and realized that she is wasting time and years don’t go backwards. That pushed her. You might be putting up with someone in a relationship yet it is draining you much. Holding you back from your destiny and the love you deserve.
Like Nipsey Hussle. 50 cent in his book (Hustle hard, hustle smarter) pens down how if not being around the same place as he started, Nipsey would have been alive. He stayed too long inert at the hood.

Get off that abusive relationship. Get rid of that friend who is pulling you back. Stagnant and never plans for his/her future. Like Jenifer Lopez and Diddy. If she didn’t leave Diddy, we wouldn’t have the successful JLO we do know.

Not saying that Diddy is a bad man rather I’m pointing on the direction JLO wanted to take. Or Kim Kardashian waking away from Kanye west. She put up with a lot that drained her energy. But when she realized what she had lost, she decided enough is enough. To you my reader, when is your enough? How much more do you think you can put up with?

NEW FUTURE (From an old Past)

He said to me, education is the key, yeah
As a little boy, I thought I know
What I was doing, yeah, man
But today, here I am in jail

Have you ever asked yourself why you do things the way you do? or subconsciously you just do them? Let’s take the example of religion. Do you go to church or the mosque because you want to go or do you go because you grew up going to the madrasa? Do you have a personal relationship with God? do you read the bible? well, that’s food for thought.

Most of us do things without ever having an “I” imprint in them, following blindly. We go to work (because we have to pay bills), have to get kids, and married by a certain age (because that’s how my parents and uncles told me). Without ever truly being ourselves. There is always a driving force that is behind us. Not disputing guidance but then, if you rely on others to be you, then at what point do you express yourself? Can’t you say that you are not prepared to get married and you want to keep searching till you find your partner? when prepared? people will be angry but in the end, you will have lived your truth.

I like what Big Ted said recently in his CTA (Cleaning The Airvawes) episode. He said despite his father being a bishop, his personal relationship with God has nothing to do with him. It’s all about him. His experiences and what God has done for him in his life, have made him strong in faith. Well, are there any more Big Ted’s in our society? I believe so and for things to change, we first need to analyze the past, what worked and didn’t so that we know what needs to be left and what needs to be kept. When a society is consciously aware, individuals are personally improved.

There are four vital things that I believe need to be addressed. First, it’s sex, second alcoholism, third education, and fourth success. Let us begin with sex. For so long sex (esp in the African setting and black American setting) has been viewed as a taboo and a topic of rare conversation. Most of us growing up viewed sex either as a “gift during marriage” or that “sex before marriage being a sin.” But has anyone ever told you why it is a sin? No. That’s why the highest number of sex, sexual workers, and sex-related complications in America is prevalent among the black community. And one of the biggest flaws of Mr. Mandela’s government was the HIV epidemic. Not because he couldn’t tackle it, but because his government refused to speak about it.

The second is alcoholism. In most cases, most of us growing up have either looked at alcohol as a “bad thing” or “something that is consumed by those who are smart in our society.” Either because our parents drank it or because we saw it as a cool thing from our favorite movies. But no one tells you of its dangers. No one tells you of responsible drinking. And I remember last year a government official telling me that the highest number of drinkers in Kenya are aged between 18 -40. She was worried because Kenya’s population is made up of the youth and if the youth are wasting themselves, then who will build the future?

The third is education. Growing up I remember the four main careers that seemed “successful” were law, medicine, engineering, and architecture. You had to aspire to be one of those. And extracurricular activities were seen as of “no importance” value and if you dared say you wanted to be a musician, you were seen as a bad person. And fourth success. Success in our society from time immemorial has always been viewed on the lens of money, prestige and status. The more money you have, the more successful you are thought to be. But again, we forget that money comes and goes away. What if today you get bankrupt or you get fired? Does it mean you become unsuccessful?

Like Obama writes in his book “Dreams from my father”. Where he says that at one point his father got so broke that he sent his sister (Auma) to buy him cigarettes with no money but a mere word “tell him you’re Obama’s daughter. The one who helped shape Kenya’s government.” She did so and the shopkeeper replied saying with no money, no cigarettes. Auma then had to work and look for money and went back home with the packet. Her father Obama SNR thought it was his name that worked magic but it wasn’t. Auma didn’t want to disappoint her father.

It’s saddening. But I am a firm believer in change. That things can be better. We just need to put the best foot foward and start the journey. Let’s start by talking. Having honest and truthful conversations. For example on sex. Let’s teach children and young adults about it. Let them know why it is dangerous to engage in immoral sexual behaviors. Tell them about things such as sexual transmitted diseases. Teach them when they get married sex shouldn’t be a relationship control tool but a bonding tool. Let them know that sex isn’t just about the physical touch but there’s much more than that. Like children. How many does a couple want and how many can you manage to raise?

Or on alcoholism. Teach people especially teens and the youth on it. Teach them on vices such as drunk driving, substance addiction, irresponsible spending and lifestyle diseases. I was recently watching a program on TV (Citizen in the morning 16/3/2022) and they were discussing about hypertension and heart diseases. And the most prevalent cause of the above conditions they mentioned was the lifestyle an individual is living. What you eat and put in your body. If you consume large amounts of alcohol, chances are you are susceptible to such kind of diseases. And it is eating away a whole lot of people.

Let’s start making the changes so that we can have a better tomorrow. Where people will be fully satisfied with the work they do despite the position they hold and where people will be much open to discuss issues such as education and sex so that we can save our generation.

OLDER, BOLDER & WISER

Cause whatever you love can be taken away, so live like it’s your dying day

There’s a reggae song that goes: “Well the years have come and the years have gone Still the son of man keeps a trotting on Journey, journey on. Yet from innocence to experience.From dependence to independence Journey, journey on. Well now i have love and i have been loved. I have judged and I have been judged. Journey, journey on. So where there come a storm there’s a victory. Cause I live all and all lives in me. Journey, journey on” (Jimmy Cliff) This sums up the story of my life.

Another year. Wow time really flies. Just the other day it was me and my mom (trotting) everywhere to now being alone (having to figure out) things on my own. Trying to be a man in this cold world. (I never knew adulting would be this hard) But hey, that’s the beauty of life. Struggles building us.

Some of the lessons I’m learning in this new season is to always utilize each given opportunity. Because you never know when It’ll be gone. Eminem once sang: “you better loose yourself in the moment and never let it go, you’ve got one chance to show, better never let it go”

Another lesson I’ve learnt it’s okay to be you. You’ll never please everyone and not everybody will like you. And never do things in order to ” fit in” or “coolest dude or lady”. The downfall of social media and technology is that everyone always wants to show how they’ve got their shit together and they’re all glamorous. It has now engrained a thinking in most people to always “be out drinking” or ” on holiday”. I mean if you’re always drinking, when do you have time to take care of yourself?

Well lemme not be not be too political but those are some of the nuggets life has handed me. Now I’m at a better position than I was before. Done with cognitive development and ready for the next step. Older, bolder and wiser. Join me on this journey by sparing a few minutes for a read 🥂🍻

LET IT GO

Back in high school, my dad came with the Let it go poem by Td Jakes and played it for us. He would do so on a regular till it became a mantra to us. I liked it and according to me its one of the most honest, truly spoken and outright poems of all time. Not because I’m a huge Td Jakes fanatic, but because of the message it holds. And by luck, I got to read the book from which the poem emanates from. Let it go ; (forgive so that you can be forgiven). I enjoyed it and from it its where my article is derived from.

Letting things go. As humans and in a society that discards vulnerability, many of us prefer holding things to themselves and rarely do people fell at ease opening up. I was once like that till I had an interstice in my life. That’s when I realized the importance of opening up. But you don’t have to be like me to be pushed to the corner in order to open up your heart. Do it because it’s something that will greatly benefit you and your life.

People don’t just wake up and by tomorrow they have committed suicide. It’s a continual process of hiding emotions, fear of opening up, judgement and a lack of compassion. If our society allowed people to open up and changed the outlook on failure, suicidal and depressing cases would be on an all time low. In the book let it go, Td jakes narrates on when he counselled a couple and he advised them that if they don’t listen to each other, open up to the roots of their problems, they will never resolve their differences no matter how many counselling sessions they attend.

Yes. It starts with the acceptance of letting go of things. Accepting the fact that if you keep holding on onto them, they will do you more harm than bring you pleasure. Not only on matters that seem heavy to the heart, but also to those that can be destructing you from set out life goals. It can be friends, an addiction, place you stay or a habit that you have. As 50 cent says in hustle harder, hustle smarter ; ‘Nipsey hussle was great but the problem was he got successful and never left the hood. He remained there and it became easier for people to reach and attack him.’ Nipsey was gunned down on his shop that he had opened at his hood.

So I urge you my dear reader, let it go. Don’t hold on to past hurts and pains, who did you right and who did you wrong, let it al go. With that you will live a long happy and stress free life.